As I prepare myself to enter a whole new social and academic world known as college, dorm accessories, tough classes, and living on my own aren't the only things on my mind. I have always been mindful on how I portray myself to every person I meet; I give them a good dose of who I really am while censoring myself enough to give a good and lasting impression. The idea of who I am inspired me to write about being an individual, to write about different viewpoints of issues that are usually only analyzed with a black and white spectrum.

I will begin with a topic that has always been a part of me: cultural identity. My mother taught a culture class at my Chinese academy for students from grades 7 - 12. In two to three lessons a year, she and students discussed what it is like to be Chinese American. Students had a history lesson about how and when Chinese people immigrated to America and got to talk about modern issues of being Chinese in the United States. So you can see why this could be an important topic to me.

I am confident enough to say that I am a young Chinese American woman. I am both extremely proud of my Chinese heritage and proud to be a citizen of these great united states. In some of the lessons my mother taught, we talked about identity crises. Are we Chinese? Are we American? Can we truly be both? My answer to all of the above is yes. There is a huge misconception, I believe, that identifying oneself is purely an internal conflict. How you define yourself is who you are. However, no matter how much I believe that I can be both American and Chinese, most of the population seems to beg to differ.

Just a few months ago, my mother asked me whether I have ever wanted to be white. Although the question caught me off guard, I could see from where she was coming. For my entire life all of my close friends have been white (My brother on the other hand socialize mostly with Asians). Also, my Chinese isn't quite up to par; I can understand and speak quite well, but I'm essentially illiterate. However, I immediately sounded offended, answered no, and gave a drawn out explanation on why I was proud to be Chinese. About a month later, I was chatting with my dad and told him that I was planning on having my future children learn Chinese, no matter what race their father was. I was expecting some sort of applause for my efforts to continue to teach my children about the Chinese culture, but instead I received a sarcastic scoff. In essence he told me that I wasn't Chinese enough to make my children go to Chinese school. This is when I realized something very important: my family thinks I'm white. As outlandish as this sounds, it's true. They honestly believe that I am not proud to be Chinese because of my social circle and that I cannot read and write as well as they do. Somehow the fact that I can speak and understand Chinese, can't live for 2 days without steamed white rice [not to mention most of my favorite foods are authentically Chinese], and willingly have celebrated every Chinese holiday since I was born means nothing.

As I mentioned before, all of my closest friends are white, and in my large group of friends, I'm still the only Asian. No matter how much I know my friends love me and I reciprocate those feelings, it's hard for some people to ignore that I'm always the only Asian. I say that my friends are "white" because they are all grouped together like that. I am only singled out as Asian even though my group includes a Jew, native Russian, and several other very cultured individuals. Among all of this, I still am the victim of racist messages that deny that I am a true American. I am still asked where I was born with the assumption that I immigrated from China (I was born in Lanham, Maryland and raised in McLean, Virginia). To most people, I am still a foreigner even though I hold no accent, dress no differently, but look "different". Asians only make up 3% of the U.S. population and Chinese by themselves make up about 1%. An American is an American is an American no matter what percentage of the population one represents.

All of these conflicting ideas makes it understandable that I could have some major internal conflict in which I cannot associate myself with either side. However, those ideas are how other perceive me. I may never be accepted fully by either Chinese or Americans, but I will always accept both as who I am.


`Carol

Well well summer has been very relaxing so far...I've been traveling and eating and doing graphic stuff. Oh and I can't forget sleeping.

I sleep a lot.

If you ever happen to be in Sunderland, MA ... go here http://www.gotenofjapan.com/
and you can see this:




and eat this:



I guarantee it's amazing...

Anyways I've been working on a logo for Doc's farm...this is the current one:

we both like the idea...but it needed some editing...and so far I'm on the 2nd/3rd draft:



but yeah this post is random

Carol

Greyhound:

I’m legitimately happy. I thought the bus ride up to NYC was always really really really boring because I can’t fall asleep on the bus ... there’s always someone trying to fall asleep on me ... and all I can do is awkwardly sit there. But now I have a laptop and guess what? The chinatown bus apparently has its own WiFi connection. Fantastic! It’s a pretty damn fast connection too, so I’m just chatting with people and surfing the web.

And if you wanted to know ... the bus just filled up 92 gallons at $428. Yum.


~Carol

Yes yes... a rant. Please feel free to ignore.

I've been "dog sitting" for the past couple of days and I sufficiently and scented like an unwashed dog. Yum. And this isn't just feed and walk the dog...this is spending-11-hours-a-day-in-a-small-apartment-with-the-dog. (which by the way regurgitated his food this afternoon in the form of yellow...stuff)

But I really shouldn't complain too much...he's a cutie and we spend some quality time together [see us below watching spanish soap operas]. Plus the house has a bunch of TV stations...for me to watch dance crew and various food network shows. So yeah. Not really complaining.

Tomorrow is just picking up medication at Kaiser Permanente and getting my menig---something shot that I need for college. Whoop dee doo. New contacts and glasses coming in one week. If you think I looked smarter in the glasses I have now....wait till you see my new ones =)



~Carol'

I think this is by far my most favorite food network show...ever.

My Name is Carol Lee. I'm a freshman at RIT, and these are my mind doodles.

- 17 yrs old
- Chinese American
- Photographer
- Graphic Designer
- Professional Food Eater

C12Studios
Alex Mitchell
deviantArt

As I prepare myself to enter a whole new social and academic world known as college, dorm accessories, tough classes, and living on my own aren't the only things on my mind. I have always been mindful on how I portray myself to every person I meet; I give them a good dose of who I really am while censoring myself enough to give a good and lasting impression. The idea of who I am inspired me to write about being an individual, to write about different viewpoints of issues that are usually only analyzed with a black and white spectrum.

I will begin with a topic that has always been a part of me: cultural identity. My mother taught a culture class at my Chinese academy for students from grades 7 - 12. In two to three lessons a year, she and students discussed what it is like to be Chinese American. Students had a history lesson about how and when Chinese people immigrated to America and got to talk about modern issues of being Chinese in the United States. So you can see why this could be an important topic to me.

I am confident enough to say that I am a young Chinese American woman. I am both extremely proud of my Chinese heritage and proud to be a citizen of these great united states. In some of the lessons my mother taught, we talked about identity crises. Are we Chinese? Are we American? Can we truly be both? My answer to all of the above is yes. There is a huge misconception, I believe, that identifying oneself is purely an internal conflict. How you define yourself is who you are. However, no matter how much I believe that I can be both American and Chinese, most of the population seems to beg to differ.

Just a few months ago, my mother asked me whether I have ever wanted to be white. Although the question caught me off guard, I could see from where she was coming. For my entire life all of my close friends have been white (My brother on the other hand socialize mostly with Asians). Also, my Chinese isn't quite up to par; I can understand and speak quite well, but I'm essentially illiterate. However, I immediately sounded offended, answered no, and gave a drawn out explanation on why I was proud to be Chinese. About a month later, I was chatting with my dad and told him that I was planning on having my future children learn Chinese, no matter what race their father was. I was expecting some sort of applause for my efforts to continue to teach my children about the Chinese culture, but instead I received a sarcastic scoff. In essence he told me that I wasn't Chinese enough to make my children go to Chinese school. This is when I realized something very important: my family thinks I'm white. As outlandish as this sounds, it's true. They honestly believe that I am not proud to be Chinese because of my social circle and that I cannot read and write as well as they do. Somehow the fact that I can speak and understand Chinese, can't live for 2 days without steamed white rice [not to mention most of my favorite foods are authentically Chinese], and willingly have celebrated every Chinese holiday since I was born means nothing.

As I mentioned before, all of my closest friends are white, and in my large group of friends, I'm still the only Asian. No matter how much I know my friends love me and I reciprocate those feelings, it's hard for some people to ignore that I'm always the only Asian. I say that my friends are "white" because they are all grouped together like that. I am only singled out as Asian even though my group includes a Jew, native Russian, and several other very cultured individuals. Among all of this, I still am the victim of racist messages that deny that I am a true American. I am still asked where I was born with the assumption that I immigrated from China (I was born in Lanham, Maryland and raised in McLean, Virginia). To most people, I am still a foreigner even though I hold no accent, dress no differently, but look "different". Asians only make up 3% of the U.S. population and Chinese by themselves make up about 1%. An American is an American is an American no matter what percentage of the population one represents.

All of these conflicting ideas makes it understandable that I could have some major internal conflict in which I cannot associate myself with either side. However, those ideas are how other perceive me. I may never be accepted fully by either Chinese or Americans, but I will always accept both as who I am.


`Carol

Well well summer has been very relaxing so far...I've been traveling and eating and doing graphic stuff. Oh and I can't forget sleeping.

I sleep a lot.

If you ever happen to be in Sunderland, MA ... go here http://www.gotenofjapan.com/
and you can see this:




and eat this:



I guarantee it's amazing...

Anyways I've been working on a logo for Doc's farm...this is the current one:

we both like the idea...but it needed some editing...and so far I'm on the 2nd/3rd draft:



but yeah this post is random

Carol

Greyhound:

I’m legitimately happy. I thought the bus ride up to NYC was always really really really boring because I can’t fall asleep on the bus ... there’s always someone trying to fall asleep on me ... and all I can do is awkwardly sit there. But now I have a laptop and guess what? The chinatown bus apparently has its own WiFi connection. Fantastic! It’s a pretty damn fast connection too, so I’m just chatting with people and surfing the web.

And if you wanted to know ... the bus just filled up 92 gallons at $428. Yum.


~Carol

Yes yes... a rant. Please feel free to ignore.

I've been "dog sitting" for the past couple of days and I sufficiently and scented like an unwashed dog. Yum. And this isn't just feed and walk the dog...this is spending-11-hours-a-day-in-a-small-apartment-with-the-dog. (which by the way regurgitated his food this afternoon in the form of yellow...stuff)

But I really shouldn't complain too much...he's a cutie and we spend some quality time together [see us below watching spanish soap operas]. Plus the house has a bunch of TV stations...for me to watch dance crew and various food network shows. So yeah. Not really complaining.

Tomorrow is just picking up medication at Kaiser Permanente and getting my menig---something shot that I need for college. Whoop dee doo. New contacts and glasses coming in one week. If you think I looked smarter in the glasses I have now....wait till you see my new ones =)



~Carol'

I think this is by far my most favorite food network show...ever.